There Are Reasons
I've had a few e-mails asking where I've been so I thought I would take a moment and just let you know what is going on.
Rodent Queen's (Steph) father has taken a turn. He has had prostrate cancer for 12 years and last year they realized the chemo was doing more harm than good.
According to a nurse who came out last night, he had a small stroke. He hasn't eaten since Tuesday and things are looking very, very grim. We are making him "comfortable."
That means he is on oxycontin and morphine. The pain is intense for him. It wafts off of him in feverish waves.
He has pulled out of these things before, but his illness hasn't ever been quite at these depths.
Today, we are arranging Hospice. At this point, RQ is the only one who can lift him when he requires certain needs met.
I love this man. He has been a second father to me. I'm trying to help her family out as much as I can, but most of the time I feel so damn powerless I don't know what to do but they have asked me to stay and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The elephant that is in the room that pains me to even write about is that he is dying. How soon, I have no idea. But he isn't communicating and isn't always coherent.
My job is to help make "arrangements." I'm trying to do my best.
Steph is doing as well as could be expected. The family is in shock. This was expected, but then again it never is. When you love someone and you can't help them, it's so hard. When I lost my mother in 1997, I felt a piece of me die as well.
Her father is one cool cat. He is a huge Harley enthusiast and he always loved to be the rebel without a cause. He's funny.He doesn't give a shit what you think about him.
He is one of a kind.
He's always been good to me.
Now, he just is unconscious. He's barely been awake.
We will see what Hospice says. I'm glad they are coming because my fear is that he will fall into a coma and I wouldn't know. I would just think he was asleep. This has haunted me for two days.
The only thing he has said is "No More Hospitals."
We are respecting his wishes.